I wonder why I am having a hard time finding love… Why can’t men see that I am worthy to be loved? There are guys who like me, but I don’t think they are true to me. Do they see who I really am? Most likely, they don’t.
I grew up thinking that men only want sex from women. Well, that was my mother said to me. But how was she really sure that men only wanted sex? How could she possibly know when my father was her first and only boyfriend, and up to now, they still love each other. I guess she was very careful because her father died when she was still young and her mother remarried. No one knew that the guy her mother married was married to someone else. It was too late because her mother was already pregnant. 6 months after giving birth to her half sister, her mother died.
She didn’t want to happen to me what had happened to her mother and so, she kept reminding me. And what does this got to do with me? I have a hard time trusting men…
I want to be loved but will I ever find a guy who is true to his words?
I do not want to sound like I'm blowing my own horn, but I think that I should be loved because…
1. I am kind hearted – But do men want kind hearted women? I don’t think they want that… But do they?
2. I am smart – I believe men are afraid of smart women.
3. I am personable – Men think that personable women are flirts.
4. I have a strong personality – Guys want women who are followers.
5. I am a loyal friend and lover – Do men think that loyal women are boring?
6. I am very understanding – It is okay if the guy does not call me everyday… It means he doesn’t really like me, and I won’t be harsh on him.
7. I am willing to be a martyr like a saint if I love the guy – Ugh! I am so weird.
8. I can cook – Yes, I can. My son loves the food I prepare for him. He has no choice.
9. I am a very caring, sweet, passionate and loving person – I have to lessen this because I think men do not want these attributes.
10. I am just an average looking middle aged woman – Men want sexy, gorgeous, young women.
I wanted to become a perfect mother and wife so I studied everything even on how to knit and sew by hand. (I once made a heart-shaped pillow, for my ex-bf and also a pair of short pants. Both I did from scratch, using only my bare hands. But of course, I used cloths, needle and thread.)
Do I stand a chance of finding love? It is like looking for a needle in a haystack. It seems to me that the needle is like very microscopic and the haystack is as big as the world, three times over…
Image from Mathworks.com
